Moments of resolve swim through my head much like a hamster on a wheel, except I often wonder am I going anywhere or am I attempting to spin out of control? That would be so alarming to some… yet, I believe it may be a soul-ution to my evolution.
Thoughts of the revolution of Kiki… A mini uprising clearing a pollution of fear-based beliefs.
Everything I have lived these past few years has given way to an emancipation of spirit, much like the bud in bloom. These past few days I have been watching this unfoldment, beginning with the bloom’s perfectly wrapped state and it’s transformation into the flower that she has become. I am aware it was stunning in each state of participation.
I see now how this pink beauty has shown me of my own reparation of wrongs I’ve committed upon myself.
I was watching The Judge as I was getting ready to come home. In the midst of experiencing judgement as well. It to me, focused on the relationship of a father and son. It gave me the opportunity to reflect for a moment on the relationship of my Dad and I. For years it was tenuous. We are very similar in nature. He gave me the ism and also the cure. He wasn’t always the greatest dad. He was very hard on me and very abusive. Both physically and emotionally. He also loved me very much. There are no victims here. Being a parent myself I’m aware of my own shortcomings. I believe when I was picking my parents (yes…I believe this) I chose my own. I knew they would teach me what I needed. They did. I also see today just how much I’m like my mother. I get that hurt people hurt people and the ultimate grace is remembering love reflects often in silence as you hear the echos of pain. Being responsible for my part in the hurt of a loved one is humbling and illuminating. It shines the light on that dark part of the soul. I prefer to be the blessing and not the lesson. I can’t regret I’ve been the lesson.
The truth of that is I will forever be the student and teacher in life and isn’t that what we all hope to be? Open to learning and open to receiving the knowledge through experience, through love, through the reality of pain and then suddenly without reason you’ve evolved into the blessing.