I remember being told, “to attain self esteem, we must do estimable acts” Lately I can see that self worth can dwindle when you allow anyone else determine your value. Even more enlightening is how I volunteer for that withdrawal. Oh Ego… you’re such a player and I am such a pawn when I want you fed. Now that I’m in this awareness I either listen or I act.

In my unconscious state of mind this sensation appears real when actually I have created something that doesn’t exist. A mirage of the mind. The illusion of hope. Similar to when I’m running through the sand dunes in my desert oasis and having moments of wanting to give up- believing water exists all around me, when actually it’s a bottle of water in my pocket.

Regardless it’s a literary phantasm. The appearance of wanting something to be real when it’s really not. That could describe my looking too deeply or even disregarding the lack of depth. Simply because I want to see what I see. I want it to connect with what I feel. When the feeling is love doesn’t that become all that we’ve been taught to believe? The truth in that fantasy is love isn’t really black and white, nor are the people in it.

This is where the rejoicing comes in if we’re truly at that place of love without reason, love without rhyme. Love without judgement. I believe I’m evolving into that place and developing my own meaning and expression. To love without thought and bestow that on others even when it’s not reciprocated.

I was told, then taught, then I understood, the greatest love you can bestow is, I will die for you. Beyond that truth one step further: the greatest love I can bestow within me is: I will Live.

I simply say to that: Hallelujah!