In the depths of meditation this morning, I focus on hidden beliefs. Wha… Because there wasn’t even a “whoa”.
You know that hidden brelief button? Yeah it’s spelled right. The believe-relief.
Suddenly I’m all wrapped up in feelings or more accurately, unraveled. Here lies (and it’s a huge liar), that the belief of being in the trenches of awareness of self is a trap of crushing proportion. It can truly feel that way when you believe you’ve been abandoned. There it is. Now let’s just expose it for what it is; neglected, deserted, empty. The crux of my heart. It’s an old reality that resurfaces when I feel all of the above. Whenever I rely on anyone to fill me up or not. It’s that whole “I exist because you’ve created me.” I see people immediately as omnipotent and having the power to wield love or rejection. Naturally there is gray in there. I clearly see where I place myself in the position to be hurt. Now have I skimmed the surface on this before? Yep. I do put myself out there. For me well, it’s me. Now that’s the idea. That belief is my reality and while at times painful it is my true essence. I thought recently, “be on guard. Defend your heart. It’s getting ripped to shreds.” Yes. It was only the ego. Just torn to bits. I keep kicking at it like a corpse. Hey, wake up. We’ve got to protect our “writes.”
And suddenly in time. In His time. Not mine. I just had to see it. I’m a writer who just happens to cook. It’s Awe and then some.