Often I find myself in a position of powerlessness. Extended acceptance.
I get to see the dignity of turning over yet another situation that is completely out of my realm of responsibility…
Realm of responsibility.
I used to get into trouble for acting out of that realm. Pro-active as a negative. I certainly have doses of irony.
In many instances of chance, I haven’t been given the opportunity to close doors in my terms. Closure has never been a “slamming it shut.” On my side of the door anyways. So I revisit and hope to put a sealant around the emotion. Rewriting and perhaps absolving my role in the outcome. Thus finally removing the ache.
A simple question asked- (one I have yet to answer) “What do you want?” My answers all leading back to the serenity of others, giving way to my own. So the answer, not quite an answer based in self. The answer based in the turning of pages, leading to closing chapters and putting away books. A book of life, love and letting go.
Hence. it always comes back to this… I often feel as if the answer must be one I am willing to live the rest of my life with. In reality, can I- live a day with it? Yes I can. Yes I will.
In the clearing, these hazy days of oncoming summer, It’s toasty here. I see that even in uncertainty, I have a sense of calm within the confusion. As I place one foot in front of the other in the dance of delight, the dance is now one of determination.
As part of me beckons to finally lay to rest this chapter, the renaissance of the heart, the revival of what could have been will always possibly linger and the residue of “what if’s” must equally be put to rest.